Putin you seem rattled, Putin you seem mad Do you feel this gig has, on reflection, turned out bad? Putin did you bite off, more than you could chew When you thought “I want that country; think I’ll have it too”.
Had a big backyard already, should have made you proud Spoke of it in glowing terms, in speeches long and loud When you hatched your mayhem, with your cronies few Did it cross your mind Ukraine might be a proud place too?
When you thought “not big enough, I need a bit more land” Did you for a moment think, things might get out of hand? When you sent your tanks to put a country on the wrack Did you think, that country might just want its country back?
Mister Putin, though you huff and puff and stare and pout Mister Putin I’m not sure you’ve got this thing worked out But before you hit the buffers, and you lose the plot Stop and think, “you know what, I’ve already got a lot.”
Come on Mister Putin, it’s time to cut your losses Face it Mister Putin, you’ve not been the best of bosses We’ll all feel much happier, if you stop seeing red That would help us all sleep much more peaceful in our beds.
I have some mad ideas, if this is one, then tell me, stop: What if Mr Putin and Her Maj just did a swap? The Kremlin could arrange for HM Queen some toast and tea No better boost for Poot’s ego than Platinum Jubilee.
There’d be far less destruction, less waste and damage done If Poots had been contented with a flypast (way more fun) Surely brings more pleasure, less dismay than threat of nukes To have a neat formation of some Spitfires and Chinooks.
Just think, the commentariat, instead of endless fawning Would just be glad that they had lived to see another morning No braying about duty, service, ‘ne’er puts wrong a foot’ Just celebrating that the world had not yet gone kaput.
Ukrainians would benefit, to have at Kremlin tiller One who favours selfless service, over being a killer Reckon they would celebrate and cheer and scream and clap A Kremlin head who wasn’t out to wipe them from the map.
For the Russians, it would surely be a welcome break From wondering, ’Is our leader mad?’ – to have some tea and cake A chance perhaps to soften, the world’s collective frown And take a cue from Lizzie, with her cheeky smile and crown.
Whatever could have happened, to Putin’s fluffy cat? You know the kind, that in a Bond film villain’s lap is sat That’s white and slightly sinister, which you’d imagine that If re-embodied human, would wear a posh cravat.
Did it find while lolling there, hand running through its fur That with the plans of Vladimir, it could no way concur Did it feel, on white cats everywhere they’d be a slur Which could some consequences, far from cat-friendly, incur?
In its ice-cool moggy heart, and in its brain feline Did it sense this Kremlin kid was badly out of line For a nicer Bond-ish villain did our friend now pine In point of fact, did Putin’s fluffy cat just flat resign?